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User ID: 163 (OP) 03-01-2010 08:27 PM **Posts: 17,775**

Maybe we can start a nice long funny thread for a change. Here's one.....

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
chuckle

**Sara-Ka-El**

**Leopardsands**

Hidden Content:

Omega Wrote:

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

User ID: 163 (OP) 03-01-2010 08:36 PM **Posts: 17,775**

Chinese Wedding Night

A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he
is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.

On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband
undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring..

'My darring,' he whispers, 'I know dis you firss time and
you berry flighten. I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do
anyting - juss anyting you want.. You juss ask..
Whatchu want?' He says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which
he hopes will impress her..

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and
eagerly) for her request.

She eventually shyly whispers back,

'I want to try someting I have hear about from odda girls...
Numbaa 69.'

More thoughtful silence from him. Eventually, in a puzzled
tone he asks her.....

'You want...... Garlic Chicken wif snow peas?
__________________

**Andromeda** · **Andromeda** Double Tap User ID: 2740 03-01-2010 08:37 PM **Posts: 7,391**

Let's hear that agin'

User ID: 163 (OP) 03-01-2010 08:40 PM **Posts: 17,775**

Andromeda Wrote:

Let's hear that agin'

**Leopardsands**

Your slaying the room.
Jptdknpa

These cannot be outdone.
Omega Wrote:

Chinese Wedding Night

A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he
is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.

On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband
undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring..

'My darring,' he whispers, 'I know dis you firss time and
you berry flighten. I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do
anyting - juss anyting you want.. You juss ask..
Whatchu want?' He says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which
he hopes will impress her..

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and
eagerly) for her request.

She eventually shyly whispers back,

'I want to try someting I have hear about from odda girls...
Numbaa 69.'

More thoughtful silence from him. Eventually, in a puzzled
tone he asks her.....

'You want...... Garlic Chicken wif snow peas?
__________________

**Saxon777**

Minister of Sinister User ID: 3852 03-01-2010 10:25 PM **Posts: 22,526**

Omega Wrote:

'You want...... Garlic Chicken wif snow peas?

**MarkusMAXIMUS**

Did you know that Einstein was married to his cousin?
Yep. After he married, he discovered the Theory of Relativetitty.

Minister of Sinister User ID: 3852 03-01-2010 10:37 PM **Posts: 22,526**

An Imam, a Rabbi, and a Priest...

...get into a terrible fight on a bus, causing the driver to lose control, sending the bus over a high cliff. These three who caused this terrible crash stand before God who tells them, "Well, you guys really screwed up. But I am going to give you a second chance, and send you back to Earth one last time. But if you do not obey my commands, you will surely die.

"Imam, if you try to recruit for Jihad, you will surely die.

"Rabbi, if you are a covetous pinch-penny, you will surely die.

"Priest, if you fuck anyone in the ass, you will surely die."

Then POOF! They are sent back to Earth. In the city square, the three of them are walking, and overhear a religious debate among some young folk. The next thing they know, they have been drawn into the debate themselves. And suddenly, the Imam finds himself trying to recruit a young man for Jihad, and POOF! The Imam is gone.

But right where he was standing, is the jingling of a shiny coin coming to rest. The Rabbi bends over in front of the Priest to pick it up. POOF, POOF!!!

**The Evil AC** I am not a number!!! User ID: 666 03-01-2010 11:19 PM

User ID: 163 (OP) 03-01-2010 11:45 PM **Posts: 17,775**

Texas State attorney season and bag limits

1. Any person with a valid Texas State hunting license may harvest attorneys.

2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.

3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.

4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.

5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.

6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.

7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.

8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.

9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.

10. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.

11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

BAG LIMITS

1. Yellow Bellied Sidewinder 2
2. Two-faced Tort Feasor 3
3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator 5
4. Big-mouthed Pub Gut 2
5. Honest Attorney EXTINCT
6. Cut-throat 2
7. Back-stabbing Whiner 2
8. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser 2
9. Silver-tongued Drug Defender $100 bounty

**MarkusMAXIMUS**

Omega Wrote:

6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.

**Old Whatshisname**

On his wedding night, the Debunker calls his father from the hotel in a panic.

"Dad", he says, "I don't know what to do! Susie has taken all her clothes off and is just lying on the bed looking at me. What am I supposed to do?"

His father mentally curses himself for raising such an idiot. "Look", he tells his son, "just take the hardest thing you can get in your hand and put it where she pees."

So the Debunker throws his shoe in the toilet.